U.S.S. Shipwreck
0000-0400
Today I was reminded of why I am glad I do not have a television. I spent the evening at my sister's house, helping her with her new hobby, puzzles (shh you), drinking cocktails, laughing, catching up, having a great time, all while her television was fiercely competing in the background, parading around its crappy American Idols, its horrible fake actors, and its mega rich superstars reminding the commoners that they are in fact superior because so many people allow them to be. I think I need a shower to wash away whatever filth may still be lingering from that piece of trash.
Tonight I spent my weight loss competition dues on pizza. I bummed out cigarettes to my newly quit sister and gave her the same lousy b.s. excuses I have been giving everyone else as to why I started again after three years. I am sucking. I need someone to come over and yank my behind out of bed in the morning and make me go for a run and stop wrecking my health. I feel panicked like I know myself less than ever before. I'm leaving my job in two months, I'm about to finish school and either fight it out in a crappy job market or go right back into school and hide out until someone needs an awesome English teacher. Heh. I have never been without solid goals in my life. Ever. It's freaking me out. I don't know what I want in life anymore but I don't think smoking cigarettes and drinking all the time is really it. I want to do too much and absolutely nothing all at the same time. Perhaps I'll write a sob story letter to one of those bullshit famous people and ask them to send my sorry ass some money to support my new life in some European country.
