Some Interworkings of My Much-Conflicted Mind

U.S.S. Shipwreck

1200-1600

Here it is folks, two days before my birthday. Why is this significant? Because I have managed to write again before another holiday! Here is a completely un-holiday-type entry...

When I got out of the Navy in 2004, I wanted nothing more than to relieve four years of painful misery through the art destroying as many brain cells as I could-brain cells that held the unpleasant memories of military life. I did this in ways that I would never have the guts to whilst under such tight control of Uncle Sam. During a visit to a small Ohio town, soon after my arrival to the states, on a night of being out of my mind, at a party, at a house of a friend of a friend, I met an Army Ranger who was on leave. He was also trying to unwind and kill some memories. He was telling me about being in Iraq. He had a lot of gruesome stories, full of death and close calls. He told me about some house that he and his battle group raided. They killed all of the men in the house. After one of his recollections, he pulled out a gold colored, Zippo-type lighter that he had taken off of one of the men that he had killed during that raid. He handed it to me. It had a picture of the Twin Towers on it. It read 2001 along the top edge. I found out that when you open it, the towers glow with a red flashing light where the planes would have hit. After I lit it and peered at the mysterious green-glowing flame, the guy slammed it shut and looked up at me. He said "That's disrespectful!" with such a tone of disapproval that for an instant, I felt the guilt of having done the terrorist attack myself. To this day, I think he overreacted.

So to add insult to injury or injury to my apparent gigantic insult as I dare to compare a major catastrophic event to the minor worries of my own personal life, I have this coffee mug... I have this coffee mug with an old best friend on it. One side of the mug contains this girl's head full of greasy bangs and what looks like rotting, blackened teeth. The other side contains the words"Friends are Forever." Each time I use this coffee mug, it reminds me of that night when I lit up that Army Ranger's stolen lighter. She is not my friend. In fact, she recently showed up to a wedding that my mother was also attending. At this wedding, my mom was so excited to see her after so many years (about 10) and while asking about her, found that she works at the Albertson's at the end of my street. My mom was so excited to tell her "That's DJ's Albertson's! She lives over there." The beast of an old best friend of mine replied, "Yeah, I figured, I see her come in all of the time with some bratty kid, I didn't know it was hers though." Knowing that she is still the same vicious rat that she was ten years ago, makes me feel like I am betraying myself each time I drink from the old coffee mug.